So, Why EyeZyer? Where did that come from... (2 minute read)
A few years ago when I first started to need prescription glasses (yes, we all get old....)
I got my precription from the Optometrist, I was new to the whole 'glasses thing' so I had no idea what the numbers meant at the time, but the card with my prescription had numbers that were wildly different. One was low double figures and had a negative sign next to it, the other was high triple figures, with a positive sign next to it...?
My mother-in-law who, actually in credit to her does have a dry sense of humour (and takes any, and every opportunity to take the proverbial 'piss' out of me), said laughing...
"I know what that is... You've got wonky eyes!!!"
...followed up by (and I believe this is a local 'scouse/Liverpudlian' colloquialism, but I'm guessing there will be similar versions around the country, based upon geography)...
"You've got one eye in Huyton, and one eye in Brighton....."
Then cackled Insanley, as I believe - all mother-in-laws do when taking the poverbial out of their son-in-law....
This is not the beautiful South east of England resort... but is the (also Beautiful) 'New Brighton' located on the other side of the Mersey River to Liverpool. I want to ensure there is no confusion, as the reference has geographical importance, as in they point in opposite directions to each other.
To the lay person, of which I am one (therefore, I have absolutely no idea how to read an eye-test prescription), I had "one eye, that was higher than the other" (medically and scientifically this was incorrect), but then when has leveraging an opportunity to take the piss ever let science or fact get in the way....
So, as vernacular naturally evolves, my piss take became... 'One eyes higher than the other'... shortened to.. 'One Eyes Higher'... and ultimately settled as..... 'EyeZyer' (the 'Liverpudlian' pronunciation of 'Eyes Higher)'
The 'monster-in-law'.. sorry, 'mother-in-law'... then took every possible opportunity to 'rip me' (another northern coloquialism), every 'vision related' joke in the book becoming fair game. The nickname stuck, so in honour of her constant 'piss taking' I registered '[email protected]'. Registering my firstname as 'OneEyeZyer', and my family/surname as 'ThanTheOther'.
Which then became my standard google account....
Part Deux (story should you wish to read on...)
..clearly you must be a sucker for punishment!! (4 minute read)
A few months later, on a trip with my wife to London, (a special anniversary trip), on the train journey down, we had been delayed so I was needed to change a restaurant reservation I had booked online. Calling the restaurant and giving my name for the booking 'Andrew Smith' just wasn't working... I was being told I didn't have a booking to change.
After 25 minutes of back and forth with no progress made, and by now the rest of the train carriage firmly engaged in my conversation, eager to learn how this all turned out... I was (understandably) getting frustrated. The signal kept dropping out, so I had had to redial the restaurant for the fifth time, and explaining this to the third member of staff I had spoken to, that 'they' must be wrong, I knew I had a booking and 'they all' must be doing something wrong.
We were going around in circles, I reaffirmed (more than once!), that I had paid a lot of money for this reservation, and I wanted to speak to his superior!
The people sat around me on the train were acknowledging my frustration, giving me nods, tilting their heads in approval, commenting that I should 'stay on the phone until they get this mess cleared up'. The lady sat across from me asked me to put my phone on loudspeaker so they could listen to 'what feable excuses I was being given?' and 'jump in and comment to give me support'!
Feeling the camaraderie of my fellow travellers, and also probably feeling I was fighting losing a battle, I did exactly that. I now had the support of my fellow travellers, they were with me on my journey, they would support me, it seemed only fair that they relish in my success. The finish line was in sight, a Manager had been called, Victory was going to be mine!!!
The Manager came on the line and reassured me that she would fix everything. I repeated my details 'I am Mr Andrew Smith', sorry no reservation...
A moment of sheer frustration, an overload of emotion, had I seriously just wasted all of this time....??? The Manager had repeated exactly what the last two employees had said....?..?"!!??@@
She then very calmly repeated the email address used for the booking back to me - '[email protected]', 'Can you please confirm Mr Smith that this is email address associated with your booking..?'
Yes, thats correct I said..... So you know my email address, surely that means you have my booking, and all this time, us going around in circles was just a complete waste of my time....
The Manager then very politely asked me if I would be so kind as to check the account details registered on my Google account. These details had been automatically passed across by Google during the booking, and this was the name the reservation was made under...
The penny dropped.... as did my stomach! The Manager was (again, politely and professionally) asking me to confirm these details to allow her to update the booking...
Oh No... I looked around the carriage at my captive audience - whilst also still being on loudspeaker 😬
Ultimately, I had to admit my error, I could have tried to 'style it out', taken my phone off loudspeaker, made some feeble excuse, continued to blame the restaurant, but to what end? - so I could maintain a facade of dignity to a bunch of strangers... and what would my wife think about my integrity?
No. Own your mistakes, wear them as a badge, but make sure you learn from them!!
So, what happened next...
Well, with a giggle the restaurant Manager asked me to 'speak up' and repeat my name, as she couldn't hear me... (I probably deserved that) to which most of the train carriage also laughed when they heard my psuedo-identity.
"Mr One-Eye-Zyer Than-the-other" at your service!! I actually think my wife was the person who found this the funniest! 😁
On reflection, this could have been one of those moments in life, I could have been an absolute ****, I could have exploded into something akin to Mary Shelley's monster and ranted, but luckily for me I didn't. Thats not me, keeping a cool head when things go wrong, and always treating people with dignity and respect, no matter their age, gender, background - that's how my parents raised me (and how I have raised my kids!).
I did of course make a complete arse out of myself in front of all of these people, my wife, and more importantly the restaurant manager and her staff, who (even given my arse-like behaviour) still kindly proceeded to update my booking and ensured we could keep our table! She actually gave us a bottle of wine 'on the house', as this had brightened her day, and we had been added to their 'pseudonym hall of fame', which apparently we also shared with Mr Mickey Mouse and his wife Mrs Minnie Mouse, and none other than Lois Lane and Clark Kent!
I have therefore gone and secured the domain 'www.thantheother.com', and my primary email is now '[email protected]' to remind me that the devil is in the detail, and if something doesnt seem right... its probably not, so stop barking up the wrong tree!
